Through Skys Eyes

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old
Lady: I am 76 years old. Defence Attorney: Will you tell us,
in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on
my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man
comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but
he sure was friendly. Little Old Lady: He started to rub my
thigh. Defence Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him. Defence Attorney: Why not? Little
Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert
died some 20 years ago. Defence Attorney: What happened
next? Little Old Lady: He began to touch my breasts. Defence
Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I
certainly did not! Defence Attorney: Whyever not? Little Old
Lady: His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven’t felt that good in years! Defence Attorney: What
happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, I was feeling so
’spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take
me, young man. Take me now!’ Did he take you? Little Old
Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘April Fool!’ And
that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

I think i must have a thing for boyfriend or husband jokes, cause after re-reading many of my posts, they all seem to be that way inclined… sorry boys .. i really do care about you all.. honestly.. i do…

Well anyway, here is another one for all the girls out there..

When your husband, boyfriend or partner does something that makes you angry;

Don’t give in to the temptation

to argue, fuss and fight!

Just count to ten, remain calm & after he goes to bed,

Super-Glue his flip-flops (thongs) to the floor.

See below for illustration:

Have a fabulous STRESS FREE day!!!!

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their arses. The results were pretty interesting:

30% of women think their arse is too fat……….

10% of women think their arse is too skinny…….

The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they wouldn’t trade him for the world.

###########################################################

Marketing - Its all in the words.. lol

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

‘Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’

**************************

In a Podiatrist’s office:

‘Time wounds all heels.’

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

**************************

On a Plumber’s  truck:

‘We repair what your husband fixed.’

**************************

On another Plumber’s truck:

‘Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.’

**************************

On a Church’s Bill board:

‘7 days without God makes one weak.’

**************************

At a Tyre Store

‘Invite us to your next blowout.’

**************************

On an Electrician’s truck:

‘Let us remove your shorts.’

**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:

‘If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

‘Push. Push. Push.’

**************************

At an Optometrist’s Office:

‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’

**************************

On a Taxidermist’s window:

‘We really know our stuff.’

**************************

On a Fence:

‘Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!’

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

‘The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.’

**************************

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:

‘No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.’

**************************

In a Vets waiting room:

‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

‘Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.’

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

‘Drive carefully. We’ll wait.’

**************************

And don’t forget the sign at a

RADIATOR SHOP:

‘Best place in town to take a leak.’

**********************

Sign on the back of yet another

Septic Tank Truck:

‘Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises’

Well enjoy todays funnys… Check back tomorrow for more.

Hey everyone, as we all know breast cancer is a serious topic.  I currently have a good friend of mine going through all her testings, but thank goodness its benign.

But with all the crap we go through as women, why cant we just control the world .. just a little..

well if we did, i guess it might be a little something like this:

send this to any of your friends. Dont forget, Breast Cancer is serious but you have better chances when you find it early. check yourself every few weeks, get your partner to check to .. sometimes two hands are better than one.

Ok so here I am at work, doing my usual boring office stuff i gotta do each day in and out. But its cool, cause thats what pays the rent.

I gotta seduction by Usher blasting in my head set.. damn that man is hot.. but anyways.. back to work..

I got myself repeating in my head “concentrate, concentrate” but for some reason my mind keeps wandering to sex.

Maybe it has something to do with the song thats blasting in my ears right now, or maybe it has something to do with Usher or  Maybe cause last night I went out on a date that didnt quite go as planned.

He wanted some, but its like he just out there with it. And that is the biggest turn off for me, I need passion, i need intimacy, I need kissing. God do I love kissing. but anyways back to this.

So i saw this article on Womens Health Magazine, called “56 reasons to have sex” well you know me, I only need 2 reasons, “when and where” but my mind was there , so i figured id have a read. and it had me laughing. The funny thing is, i read the comments after it, one particular guy said “More women need to read this”I think he probably thought if more women read this, he might have more chances of getting laid. which makes me laugh, cause its funny how a guy can never turn to him self and think “hmm maybe its me, maybe she just dont want to sleep with me, maybe im doing something wrong” instead the first thing a guy does is “there something wrong with that woman, or find some other excuse.”

But i thought i’d bring a couple of these points up or “reasons”to have sex. Cause I believe sex is an important and vital part of a relationship, especially if you want it to last. I mean if you sick of him, then so be it. but if you want to keep him or her, then you gotta make that other person feel special and there aint no better way to do that than by having a nice all nighter with that special person, phones off, bubbles in the bath, strawberries and cream, some champagne.. well i wont get to carried away.. but you dont need all those extras, just the two of you and the mood is enough.

For example one time my ex sent me txt message stating how he missed me etc and we hadn’t seen each other in days, so i knew he had the day off from work, so i took a half day left at lunch, headed over there and spent the day just in each other arms doing our secret dance under the sheets. there was nothing planned, or anything else but us, but it was beautiful.

So you don’t need props or anything, sometimes they can make things exciting, but so can the beach at night or the back seat of a car.. the sky is the limit, use the imagination.

Anyway I know i get carried away, but here are some of these reasons, that i liked:

• Apparently having sex makes you happier than money does. So if we all have sex then this economic crisis wont bug us no more lol.
• It also mellows our moods. so before going into some high pressure meeting where you know your going to crack, go call your partner up for a quickie.
• For all you constantly sick people, having regular sex boosts your immune system by 30% how they get that percentage, i dont know. but hey thats pretty cool.
• having sex releases an overload of endorphins and can alleviate pain from arthritis and menstrual cramps. Can i get an AMEN!!
• This one i love. Did you know that when men have sex, they are so filled with oxytocin that they are now at our level. So you know if you want him to propose or do something girly, you need to sleep with him and then start dropping hints, but do it quick cause that shit wears off.
• Here is the ironic part, apparently us women absorb some testosterone during sex, so we now no longer care about that girly shit. lol just joking.  but we do get an increase in energy levels from the testosterone.
• …And we get a firm butt, and tighter tummy. Kick those hours of torture at the gym to the curb.
• Did you know sex can save your mans life??? well ok not exactly the way your thinking, but it reduces his chances of suffering a heart attack or a stroke.
• Get flexible. Sex can help make you flexible and score that job as a snoop dogg back up dancer.
• You dont need to speak his language. Its great aint it. you have hot passionate sex, and you dont even need to speak to the guy. it dont matter if he speaks italian, spanish, chinese, canadian (lol) sex is sex.. in any language… “baby speak to me in french all you want… you cant say anything stupid to turn me off now.. cause i dont understand you” just heavenly aint it.. worse thing when you getting right into it and he just say something stupid.. like “did you cum yet?”or Äre you on the rag?” baby if i was on the rag, you would know about it by now.. you only just stuck your head down there 5 minutes ago..
• sex releases tension unless you sleep with a man that just spends the entire time saying stupid things.
• use it or lose it.. the more sex you have the more testosterone you produce which makes you feel like having sex. if you go with out sex for a while, then you wont feel like having sex cause you have very little testosterone. possible have low levels of energy and become more emotional or restless too.
• have a headache.. not any more.. have some horizontal pain relief.
• strengthen your core!! yes pilates people.. where do you think they get those damn moves from.. huh. well i dont have proof, but let me tell ya, i enjoy pilates much more when i got my partner with me.
• best excuse for pricey lingerie
• Active sex life slows the ageing process according to mr David Weeks.

So too bad im single now, cause now i have to go fishing.. but for all of you guys and gals not getting it on together and you have a partner… don’t make me come over and slap you!!! get over there, start with the kisses on the neck, then some more beautiful hot passionate kissing and close the door, turn of the phones, and get that prince record on . and start working on your pilates moves.

Till next time..

Sky the native diva signing out.. ..